I'm unusually tired today.  It hurts so much just to be out in the sun for a few minutes. They want me to come out, and just be the Kat that they used to know.  Things like these make me sad.  It reminds me that I can no longer do stuffs as easily as before.  It reminds me that there is something wrong with me.

It hurts when they don't bother to understand.  It hurts when they expect me to look after them, because sometimes I am not even sure if I can take care of myself. 

It hurts to realize that no matter how much you care, you can't expect people to do the same for you. 

Happy New year, Kat.

Walk away

Heart just dropped. Kat, when will you learn? Walk away. Walk, just walk.

Quando!?

Ahh, when will it end?

When will I stop allowing you to stomp all over me? 

When will I realize that in truth, you hurt me more than anyone I ever knew...  That you will only cause me recurring pain... That you do not know how to value the people around you...

When will I wake up? 

Plums

Plums.  I hate you.

Movie tickets

I collect movie tickets from those films that I've seen alone.  Eversince T left me. 

I simply lost count. 

...

So near, yet so far...

How is it possible?

That you can break me, over and over again? 

Someday...

Someday my heart will stop loving you...  Someday you will no longer have any control over me.  I will break free.  Someday, you will no longer be able to hurt me and make me cry, and make me doubt myself.  Someday, I will no longer have to pretend that I am stupid just to stroke your ego.

Someday, I will meet the man that my heart chose for me.  He will love me for everything that I am and for everything that I am not.  He will accept my incapabilities and he will push me to become a better version of myself.  Someday, I will meet the man whom I will fall in love with with, my whole heart, and soul.  He will fill me with so much love and kindness, and will want me enough to fight for me--so much so that all the hurt and pain that you caused me throughout these years will all be forgotten.

Until then, you may step all over my heart as much as you want.  You may continue to treat me as your spare tire and demand that I put my life on hold for you.  Because until that someday comes, my heart will try to understand and forgive you.

And once that someday comes, I will begin to realize that what I had for you was not love at all.

Why?

And just like that, you broke my heart again...

I realized, you will never come to me.

And that I have not stopped hoping.