Ticket For One, please...

     I had been keeping my secret for a couple of months before I decided to break the news to my family in the midst of all the Christmas hullabaloo.  "Dad, I will be leaving for Vietnam and Cambodia at the end of January."  I sat there watching his face shift from happily-munching-a-piece-of-ham to a how-do-I-deal-with-what-she-just-said-expression.  "Who are you going with?"  He looked at me and started to light a stick of Marlboro, probably brazing himself for a shocking answer.  "I will be on my own Dad..."

     At that point, I think my dad would have preferred if I told him that I was going with a surprise boyfriend that they never knew existed.  For the life of him, he probably could not figure out why I would make such a decision.  And just as I had imagined, he asked me the inevitable question, "WHY?!?"

     I had never travelled alone.  I grew up living in a military base where my siblings and I grew accustomed to sticking together and mastering one specific route: home-school/office-home.  We never frequented bars or any other after-school/office-hangouts.   

     And though I am a lawyer by profession, I am generally shy and mostly keep to myself when thrown to a sea of strangers.  Unless you are a very close friend or a long time acquaintance, I will never dare speak to you unless your hair is on fire (okay, that might be exaggerating a bit, but you get the point).

     So why am I travelling out of the country alone?   I had been bombarded with this question for several weeks now and honestly, at times, I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from giving out a sarcastic retort.

     I wish I have an intelligent answer.  I wish I can just give you some mumbo jumbo answer and honestly say that I am just going through some quarter life crisis.  Or that I need to find myself.  I really wish I had something smart to say and put to rest any doubts that I might be meeting someone there.

     But I don't.  

     I bought my plane tickets a few months back because I was broken hearted.  I still am and had been for over a year now.  Yes, it may sound overrated and you might be having gag reflexes and probably rolling your eyes at this point.  But that is the honest truth.  

     I am alone because I don't have anyone right now.  It's as simple as that.  Yes, I have my family and my wonderful friends. But there are just some things that are meant to be done with a special person.  I am sure you get what I mean.  

     So instead of staying here, wallowing in recurring heartbreaking moments, I chose to go away and make things happen.  So instead of staying here, crying my heart out, I chose to do it while wandering around some remote place.  Instead of getting used to the idea of people leaving me behind, I chose to leave and live...   

     Sure, it would be fun to go through this experience with someone hand in hand.  But for now, it would just have to be me.  Just Kat...  

     Ticket for one, please...