Lost In Cambodia

What I thought was an easy hike...

     I have no sense of direction.  Maps give me anxiety attacks and take away my sense of security.  I know that maps were designed to give you the opposite effect but somehow, for the life of me, I never figured them out.  

The trail kept on getting steeper...

     But because I am not chatty  and that I would rather "explore" than admit that I have no idea where I'm going, I attempted to make amends with maps.  A few weeks before my trip, I realized that I will be on a tight budget and will not be able to afford the luxury of riding cabs.  So I downloaded maps of Cambodia and Vietnam and tried to work out my "planned route."

     But I guess, by now (unless you weren't really paying attention), you already know that my brillant plan didn't work. On my third day in Siem Reap, I decided to visit Kbal Spean, the Valley of 1000 Lingas.  Sounds neat huh?  I mean, the name of the place alone is enough to pique one's curiosity.  It took almost two hours of butt-numbing-tuktuk-ride to get there from the town of Siem Reap.  Just like the past few days, the scenery was mostly dotted by serene rice paddies and adorable Cambodian kids waving at tourists passing by.

I'm on the right track... 

     It seemed several worlds away from where I've come from.  To just sit there and engross myself with how the locals live made me take my mind off what I had been through this year.  If only tuktuk rides can permanently cure the pain, I would have moved heaven and earth to get one for me.

     "Go down now, you must up the mountain alone."  Mr. Chang, my tuktuk driver looked irritated.  What the???  I must what the mountain???  I guessed he wanted me to get off and start my supposed-to-be-45-minute-ascent towards the falls.  Are you not going up with me, Mr. Chang?  He smirked and gave me a sweet smile while looking at me as if I just made the biggest joke in the Kingdom of Cambodia.  "Only tuktuk ride. Guide is $25!"  Are you kidding me?!?  Really?!  Aakyat na lang ako ng bundok mag isa! $25 ka dyan!  Hmph!

View from the cliff

     So I grabbed my map and headed up the trail.  It should be easy right?  All I had to do was follow the trail like a good girl.  How hard can it be?  Parang kinder lang to, you must follow the directions.  During the first ten minutes, I was in a relaxed pace.  Ha!  I will show Mr. Chang!  Pfft, 25$ my ass!  I knew I was going up but at least the ground wasn't steep.  Or so I thought...  

     Pag sinabi palang jungle, jungle talaga.  Wala naman kasi sa mapa nakalagay na kelangan ko kumapit sa mga bato bato for dear life.  Ni walang drawing ng mga puno puno!  So there I was, sticking my hands into crevices, having those rare moments when I truly wish that I was not fat. I literally had dirt inside my mouth and I'm pretty sure there were bugs happily crawling on my hair.  I was heaving like crazy and I had never been so glad that I was travelling alone.  Not really.  I must admit that this was the first time that I truly wish I was with someone.  Hundreds of thoughts raced inside my head...  What if I slip or lose my footing or fall and bump my head?  Nobody would know.  The animals in the jungle would have had third helpings of me before my tuktuk driver finally realizes that I'm still up here...  Why did I go here on my own?

I couldn't find my way back... 

     But it was too late to go down now.  There's no way that I will let Mr. Chang know that I chickened out.  How I want to wipe that smug look off his face.  So I just lifted one tired leg after another.  I felt like a veteran rock climber, only I'm pretty sure this would have been a piece of cake for them.  I climbed and grasped for vines, just going forward.  There were mini signs scattered every 100 meters, telling me that I'm still doing things right and that I was getting nearer and nearer my destination.  Then I heard it, the faint gush of flowing water.  When I reached the clearing, I saw some locals resting on the wooden  bench near the riverbed.  One girl immediately approached me and offered to bring me to the "magical spots" for $2.  I know it wasn't that much.  But I thought that if I had the galls to climb all the way up here, surely I wouldn't have problems going around the river bed and searching for the falls right?  I mean, how hard can that be?  I just need to follow the damn river and my map of course.  

From June to July, these are submerged under water

     So I declined and went suddenly still when I first caught glimpse of the riverbed.  Carved underneath were beautiful lingas.  Of course, these are phallic symbols but my admiration to them did not arose from the fact that these are basically stone carvings of penises (hehe).  The lingas were painstakingly carved there believing that they will bring fertility to the region.  Imagine drinking water from this river! hehe  This place was simply enchanting.  Everywhere I look, there was always something to gush about.  There were carvings of gods and goddesses...  Different animals...  And uhmmm well, more lingas...  

     I glanced at my map and I followed a route which was supposed to bring me to the waterfalls.  I knew it was strange because it lead me to a smaller path that cut across the jungle and away from the river.  My instincts told me that this is not the way to go.  But it must be a trick right?  Shortcut siguro to...  So because I am soooo sooo smart (not!) I followed the foot path for nearly an hour and still there was no waterfalls.  There was no more foot path as well.  The twigs and branches slapped against my cheeks.  It was time to finally admit it.  I am lost and I do not know how to get back.  

Stunning

     I tried to retrace my steps but everywhere I looked, I just saw trees and vines.  And for the first time during my trip, I cried.  And cried.  Because I was lost...  And because I'm alone. And because I am brokenhearted and I have not cried enough.   I got scared and I remembered my jokes to my mum that I will go to Cambodia to step on landmines and die a gruesome death.  I suddenly remembered what I read about Kbal Spean, that it was just recently opened to tourists because it was under the control of the Khmer Rouge for a long time and that there were still uncleared landmines in the jungle.  I suddenly remembered the handicapped vendors down the foot of the mountain where the tuktuk driver dropped me off.  What if I die here?  What if I step on a landmine?  Nobody will know...  

Lingas are supposed to fertilize the regions

     After more than an hour, I heard the sound of flowing water again.  I've never felt so relieved in my life before.  I knew then that I was safe.  In my eagerness to get back in familiar surroundings, I quickly ran towards the riverbed towards the girl who offered to be my guide.  And because I am Kat and clumsiness is my forte, my foot got caught in a large tree root (which wasn't there before, I swear).  Classic!  I have made a dramatic entrance once again.  The girl helped me up and said, "Ledi why you alone?  You have a bad man, he let you up here alone..." 

     I cried.  Probably because my knees and pride got hurt from the fall.  But more so because of what she said.  Yes, I wish he was a bad man.  But I am still in love with the "bad" man.  How do I tell her that I don't even have a man right now?  Let alone, a bad man at that?  If only I could answer her question maybe she wouldn't have thought that I was crying because I got lost.  

It was worth it.

     "Why did you go to the jungle?  There are snakes there, very big.  Not safe.  Not safe.  Next time, bring your man..."  I cried even more.  Yes lady, please rub it on my face some more.  Impakta, nakita na pala na papunta ako sa kawalan, hinayaan lang ako maglakad mag isa!  

     In my few days there, whenever I tell the locals that I'm Filipina and that I'm travelling alone, I automatically braze myself for a series of questions.  For them, it's normal to see Western women travelling on their own.  But that it's rare to see Asian women travelling without their friends or families.  Then I would get the complimentary disapproving nod and the almost predictable  "Ledi, next time, bring your man...  Not safe... Not safe..."

I should have stayed near the banks

     The girl, who later told me that her name was Savar (or something that sounds like that), snatched my map and told me that I was holding it the opposite way.  Pesteng mapa, wala kang kwenta!  I was just glad to find my way back that I finally agreed for Savar to guide me down the falls.  

On my way back

     There was more climbing and rock clinging, but this time Savar was there happily pointing out that at my age, she already had five children.  "Ledi, maybe you should stop eating so you find a man."  I know what she meant.  I have heard the same line from my mother over and over.  I didn't mind, I was just glad to hear her broken English, even if she was rubbing the im-married-you-are-fat-and-single-dialogue on my face.  

     I finally reached the falls and everything was magical...  For a brief moment, everything felt right.  Everything felt unbelievably right.  And then Savar's "Ledi Ledi" tirade broke my reverie.  While she was happily chatting away, I was busy pondering how on earth those carvings got there.  How can anyone give so much time, so much devotion?  It was stunning...  To see these during my time...  To witness something that was etched by time...  Something that I thought I had.

     I might have gotten lost and my map might have been useless, but I got here...  I would have done it all over again (well, maybe not the getting lost part).  If only for that brief moment that everything felt undeniably right, I would have done it all over again...